It seemed an impossible task. There was the imagining, a whisper in my imagination, never shared out loud. Then there was the tentative sharing, the floating of an idea. And then action, trying to make the whisper into a living idea. I had set myself the seemingly impossible task of making a book. Having come a full year from the transference of thought into action, I have been forgetting what a monumental task I set myself; to self publish a book. So flooded in the details of printing, shipping, answering emails to customers, that I have not had a moment to reflect on this at all.
I made a book. That needs some time to settle, to percolate. Time to be proud of myself, and reflect on the lessons learned. And time to let the dust settle before I venture fourth again on another big project. A challenge for me.
I'm thrilled to have done this thing, and thrilled to see it live out in the world. But I'm tired. My work takes place in the darkness, after the sun has gone down, after my children are asleep and when I should be too. Or in the rare daytime moments when they are busy or off playing, and really what I should be doing is cleaning, folding, eating, exercising, or napping (because I was up late working, you see.)
This seems to be a common scenario for my creative friends with children. It's not unusual for work at home parents or parents with small businesses. All the work and life just gets smushed up together messily and stressfully. Sometimes that is the reality, necessity with small children in tow.
But I feel myself suffering from this imbalance. And my small children are growing so fast. And so in this first month in this new year I'm setting myself some goals. (Just under the wire, too.)
To take care of myself. Not last. But first. Or at least second.
To take on less projects. Only things that fill me up. And to everything else I practice saying "NO."
To use this time wisely for self care. Which is so badly needed right now. I've been downright negligent.
To find more joy and breath in my creative tasks. To write more. To take photographs more. To sew and cook and garden and knit for fun (and not just for work.)
I think that last task means an overall shift in my creative work and business. I hope to be here more, on the blog, writing and sharing just for joy. And to keep myself accountable.
So, on the last day of January, off we go. To balance and self care. And you?